Today I hit a point...it was a point I have not been to in a while.  My kids were so cranky, and every thing made them whine.  I could not make them happy.  I hate those days.  I broke when Taryn kept crying about not having a cover.  I picked the blanket up and shook it saying here it is...cover up.  I stormed out of the room.  I just cried, because I know she is young and she was tired.  I just don't know why it upset me so bad.

I hit the point again this afternoon.  This time Jessie did it.  He came home from work, and just sat there.  I was still doing laundry and the kids needed a bath and I needed a shower and we all had to get ready for church.  Yet there he was just sitting there.  I can't stand that.  I broke and on our way to church I would not even speak to him.  Truly there was no reason for me to react this way.

Why???  Well I truly have a wonderful husband.  He would have done anything I wanted...all I had to do was ask.  I guess sometimes I just feel like he should sometime be able to see for himself that he needs to do something.  I know I am no different from any other woman in the world.  I took on a husband which really means he was my first child.  The thing is you can't change a stubborn soul.

As that...well I do not want to change the man.  I guess I just get stressed sometimes.  It is not something I feel all the time.  I just have moments.  They seem to be at those times when....I don't get up and exercise.  I know those endorphines must have a positive effect on my day.  Today I slept in...ooops.  I messed up my own day, and took it out on my family.  I love my family more than anything in the world, and yet I still manage to have attitude about the most itty bitty things. 

How do I stop?  How do I teach myself to take in things, and then release them in a calm manner?  Is that even a possible thing to learn?

I hope that my attitude is not something I am passing on to my kids.  Maybe they have a chance to be normal.  i just hope they don't look at me like crazy mommy.  I am good to them...I don't hurt them.  I don't even whip them.  I probably should for some of the things I let them get away with, but I am too loving and easy-going.  Hopefully I am not sparing the rod and spoiling the child.

I must admit...it is hard for me to put these emotional issues I have out there in the world.  I guess though it is nice to just be able to discuss it without someone in my ear telling me how wrong I am.  I might me wrong, but it is much easier to read. 

Life is a great thing..I do not want to waste mine being a mean person.  I want to be optimisitic and outgoing.  I want to learn everything I can.  I want my kids to love me.  I want my kids to look up to me.  Does this make sense?  I am jumping around.  I must be tired.

Goodnight bloggers...thanks for stopping by.

I have been a stay-at-home Mom for five years.  I have not worked much.  Maybe a little side work here and there.  I just have not had to.  I hope to be more.  Being a Mom is the most important job in the world to me.  I just want my kids to look at me, and see an inspiration. 

I have just started a job from home.  It is ok.  I only leave for a few nights.  I just hate being away from them.  This job lets me work around seeing T-ball games, and all the other things I want to do. 

I also just started going back to school.  I do want a degree.  It does not have to be big, but I have to show the girls how important college is in this day and age.  As much as I don't want to admit it, I can't get anything above minimum wage with only a high school diploma. 

To top everything off...Jessie is out of the military in August.  This scares me, because we have had that the entire time we have been married.  It is such a huge change.  I just don't know how to deal with everything.  My studies give me something else to think about.  I would rather think about that, then the house payment.  Anyway, I guess the only way to know how things will turn out is to live life and watch each moment.  It will unfold for me.