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September 22

I have been away...I hope ya haven't forgot me

So much has been going on in my life. I have not had time to do anything except work and sleep and oh yeah we moved. That is taking a toll on the sleep I am getting because I am trying to organize a new house.

So I still love my job. Well I love what I do. The way some people are doing me is wrong, but I know that you are never going to be able to work with staff that is all 100% dedicated to doing their job correctly. I have learned that in many places in life. I have not lost anyone yet and that I am thankful for. I love my residents. I have one that draws me pretty pictures and even though her hands shake now she manages to do such a wonderful job.

We have been short on staff lately and that makes for a rough time. I am usually assigned 16 people. That is a sufficient amount to keep clean and tidy. Yet lately I have been in charge of anywhere between 25 and 30 people. That makes my time their a bit of a nightmare because I can not get to everyone in time. This makes me feel neglectful. I am ok though. It works in the long run. All the people that I care for and my supervisor know that I am trying my best.

My girls are still growing. They seem to have people such different people since school started. They are just little grown-ups. Alia is starting to get a bit of an attitude and seems to think she can get away with talking back. We have kept her in check though.

I must get some sleep, but I hope to be back to my blogging self soon. I miss this.

August 17

First things first

Hello all of you wonderful bloggers. I just wanted to first say thank you to all the comments I had. I have been trying to get back with everyone, but sometimes this thing just will not let me work. =)

Now onto the new things in my life. My job is taking me over. Not really. I really like it. I have just worked off this morning and now I am tired, but I do not want to go to sleep yet for the simple fact that I do not have to work tonight. I am so excited to crawl in bed next to my wonderful husband.

To anyone who has to put their parents or grandparents in a nursing home. Please be sure to research the place. I love my place of employment. We are the top home for long term care in pensacola, Fl. I am proud to be an employee there. I just have recently heard of some things going on in other homes that really bother me. I can not understand how anyone actually abuses their residents. I have only been working for a short period of time, but I already love my people. I feel like they are my family. I imagine that once I grow old..I might have to go to a home. In a way I want that so I do not burden my kids later in life. I think about how I want to be treated. Will they let me lay there and get pressure sores? Will they let me fall? I mean sometimes it is not preventable, but some situations are just outrageous. I am just rambling.

OK! Phase 2!! I am so proud of my little Taryn. Her teacher sent me a letter all about how smart my baby is. She is so impressed with the way she writes altready. =) I am so excited. The reason she knows so much is because my Alia has taught so much. She has showed Taryn so much. My beautiful girls.

Phase 3....CPS did not do anything about my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. They did not have drugs in their system by the time they went to drug test them. Supposedly they are going to drop back by. This state is just not here for the kids. I will never understand. Hopefully justice will be done before it is too late for my lil sis, and the unborn nephew. How do they choose such horrible things over their kids? It is not normal.

Well I better get up off this chair and do some housework. It is not going to do itself. =) Later

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August 10

Today I realized something

I have this thing with reading celebrity magazines, and as I go through their lives I always wish I could just have a taste of it. I know they complain about not having any privacy but there is just something about the whole thing. I have always wanted to be someone famous. To have people look up to me. Well today I had a light hit me. I am so important. I have two beautiful daughters, three nieces, and many other small children that look to me daily for the way to go. I have to show them how to grow into beautiful smart independent women. That is my job. My purpose in life is being the Mom. I like that job. I have this vision of being the cute soccer Mom in the mini van. That is soooo me. I was all the kids on the team to want to hang out at my house while I make the cookies and brownies. I want the sleep over house where we all cram in the kitchen to make waffles the next morning. Does this sound too silly? I almost feel that working is going to take this time away from my girls, but then I think about it. This is my way of showing them that working does not mean you can not have a wonderful family life. I still have time to love and hold them. I am still the one to help with homework. I still tuck you in and read the bedtime stories. I am the woman that you will be able to claim as your mother. I will do all in my power to be here and there at once. I will do all I can to make my kids just as proud of me as I am of them. I do not want my kids to regret that I am their mom. When they look around and see the children in our family who do not have parents to truly care for them, they will be even more happy that I never left. To top it off my wonderful husband is here by my side. Loving the three of us with all of his being. We will definitely be in the odd side of things as the parents who are still married. So many kids are now being raised by divorced parents. I do know that in many cases this is the best way to go. Marraiges just don't always work. I think I am just lucky. I believe that God has been watching over me. Though many things are not in my favor, he has made sure to give me a family to love and care for. He let me know my purpose. He has let me see the wonderful person I can be. I no longer wish to be anyone else. I love me. I am happy to be me. Inside and out.

August 08

looking better

today everyone said i looked good and boy did that help my self esteem.

August 05

How can you help those who don't care?

It has happened again. I do not know what to do. I am not likely to talk about these things much because I do not like everyone to know that this is something I deal with. My mother in law is addicted to crack/cocaine. I have been married almost seven years and my six year old sister-in-law has lived in and out of my house as well as many others while her mother is supposedly getting well. HRS comes in and takes the baby and then gives her back when the mom goes trhough rehab. The hard part is not on the mom. It is this poor innocent child. This baby that did not ever ask to come here. She is now six and has so many problems. She thinks she is grown and has been involved in things little girls should never see. Yet in the state of Florida the parent wins. The law does not even work for the kids really.

So that sounds bad right?

No this is even worse...my sister inlaw that just lost her son. My beautiful nephew Kyler. She is five months pregnant. She is smoking crack now too. I can hardly type for the tears streaming out of my eyes right now. I can not imagine doing anything to harm my kids. I just do not understand. We called and talked to some people at children and families and there is nothing to do. The state can not help until after she has this baby and by the time the baby is born he is going to be addicted and maybe deformed. I will love him all the same..I just want to be able to save him. I want to help him. I want him to feel loved, not left. I do not want to lose another nephew. The sad part is that if only I would have known how she was...maybe I could have saved Kyler. Maybe he would still be here. Maybe..maybe..maybe. I just can't be on the sidelines anymore. I need to be more involved, but not to a point where my kids can be hurt. Because they are still my first priority.

Anyone who knows how I can get more involved with getting these children some help. Besides only HRS, for they can only do so much, and won't go any further than they have to. Please, help if you can.

August 01

Hey everyone

Hello all you people that are so wonderful to me. Thank you for all the great comments and congrats to me. It is much appreciated. I just wanted to swing in and say I am working so much and as a matter of fact I am fixing to go now. I just want to give props to all you mommies that work and can keep the house clean and all up keep done. I am having the hardest time finding time to complete all necessary functions of day to day life. It is making me a little insane. I am no good at finding a schedule that works for me. Each time I have one it seems to have 15 hundred things that come up extra to do. =) So those of you that manage are just incredible. You GO Girls! Oh and Daddy's too.

I miss you guys. I will find time to see everyones blog and catch up so much better. Don't forget me, because I need a good support system. So now I will go tuck my kids into bed.

ttyl tif

July 26

i did well

I passed and now I am working. Actually I have been up for 26 hours now. I am exhausted, but it's worth it to me. Thanks for the support and I will go into detail when I can hold my eyes open.

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July 24

wish me luck

Ok! Today I am going to take my state board. I know my profile says I am already a nursing assistant, but I figure I should be optimistic about it. I am going to actually take the test today. The state test. I aced the class, but that does not help with how nervous I am. I am shaking, literally shaking. OK...I know that I can do this. I am just putting it in God's hands now. If it is his will, I will be a TRUE certified nursing assistant. Then I can do my job without worrying about this test anymore. =)

Stay positive all, and I will too....I will tell you how I did tonight. =)

July 21

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! TODAY I AM 26...BUT I DON'T LOOK IT =)

OK! I WILL PROBABLY NOT DO MUCH FOR MY BIRTHDAY, BECAUSE I HAVE FINALLY PLANNED MY GIRLS BIRTHDAY PARTY, AND MY JOB IS TO MAKE THEIR DAY (TOMORROW) SPECIAL. BUT I STILL LOVE SAYING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

SO I FINALLY POSTED A FEW BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES. WELL THEY ARE NOT AFTER, BECAUSE THESE WERE TAKEN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH AGO, AND I HAVE LOST A GOOD BIT MORE SINCE THEN. BUT THEY DO SHOW A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IN MY WEIGHT, ESPECIALLY IN MY FACE. =)

RIGHT NOW I SHOULD BE SLEEPING, BUT I JUST COULD NOT GET THROUGH THE NIGHT. I WAS UP TOSSING AND TURNING AND IT WAS DRIVING ME SO CRAZY THAT I JUST WOKE UP A 3:45. I DID MY WORKOUT, TOOK A SHOWER, AND NOW I AM ON THE COMPUTER. WOW! I PROBABLY WON'T BE WORTH A WHOLE LOT AT WORK TODAY. THAT IS A LITTLE SAD.

THINGS HAVE BEEN A LITTLE BETTER. MY SISTER=IN=LAW HAS BEEN STAYING ELSEWHERE, BUT SHE DID NOT TAKE ANY OF HER STUFF. THIS MEANS THAT IN ORDER FOR ME TO GET IT OUT OF MY LIVING ROOM, I AM GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE IT FOR THEM. THAT JUST ISN'T RIGHT. =) I DON'T MIND THOUGH AS LONG AS IT IS MOVING OUT. THINGS SHOULD BE GETTING ON A REGULAR SCHEDULE SOON.

MY GIRLS WILL BE STARTING SCHOOL IN A FEW WEEKS. WELL ALIA GOING BACK AND TARYN JUST BEGINNING. I MUST CRY WHEN I THINK OF BOTH MY GIRLS BEING SO BIG ALREADY. YOU BETTER ALL MAKE SURE YOU ARE UTILIZING EVERY MINUTE OF YOUR KIDS YEARS. THEY JUST BLOW BY. MY SIX YEAR OLD IS TOO OLD FOR ME TO DO THINGS FOR HER NOW. SHE BELIEVES SO ANYWAY. NOT THAT I MIND A LITTLE INDEPENDENCE, BUT GEE SHE IS JUST TOO BIG NOW. =)

FLORIDA HAS TAX FREE WEEK STARTING TOMORROW. THIS IS A GREAT THING. WE GET TO BUY SCHOOL SUPPLIES AND CLOTHES WITH NO TAX. I AM A LITTLE SUPRISED THEY STILL DO THIS, AND ACTUALLY THEY DO IT TWICE NOW. WE HAVE A TAX FREE WEEK FOR HURRICANE PREP STUFF AS WELL. THAT SAVED US SOME MONEY ON OUR GENERATOR.

I AM RAMBLING.

MY MOM IS TAKING ME TO DINNER TONIGHT. A BIRTHDAY TREAT I GUESS. IT IS NICE THAT SHE IS, BUT I HAVE A LOT TO DO. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN THAT TAKING A LITTLE TIME OFF FOR FUN IS OK. WHY DO I TORTURE MYSELF? =)

SO I GUESS NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN UP FOR A FEW HOURS, I WILL NOW HAVE SOME GREEN TEA AND START A USUAL ROUTINE. SEE YA AROUND THE SPACES.

TIFFANY

July 17

good night

I have been looking at everyone elses sites tonight, so now I have gotten too sleepy to write everything going on. Just let me sleep, and I will catch up later. Good night!

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July 14

ON A ROLE!!

I went to work today, and I did well. My time was faster and everything. I can't explain what all that means, but anyway...I did so well. Tonight I had a jewelry party. I made a good sum of money for me. That is all extra money for the girls birthday party. They are so rotten.

So MY birthday is coming up soon. I am so ready. I do not get a lot of presents or anything, it's just the point that it is a day just for me. And I do not acknowledge that there are actually other people in the world that were born on the same day. As a matter of fact I actually tell me that they are not aloud to have their babies on my day. It sounds so mean, but if they did have them on July 21st, I would be nice about it. I would also make the announcment that July 21st is for Tiffany. =) I just have always loved birthdays. My husband never really had birthdays growing up, so he does not understand why I go all out for our girls. Well this is how I look at it. We celebrate life everyday, just be being here. BUT we could not be here if we were not born, and for that there is a day. Why not make the most of the day that brought us into the world? I feel that this is a way I can tell my kids that there are things in life worth looking forward to. I just love it. I am so excited.

I am so sleepy. I know that my blog is all over the place. I just can't help it.

Now if you have made it this far into my blog then I know you care enough to ask a question. What is the best way to let people know it is time to go? I love my family...my sister-in- law is here along with her fiance. I repeat, I love them. I don't want them to feel unwanted, I just need my house back. You can't understand really unless you see my house. It is so small, and with the couch bed pulled out in the living room there just is not any room to walk. It is absolutely crazy.

ANyway, if you know how to break it to them, let me know.

Thanks, Tif

=)

I just had to get online to say that

today I weigh 159...that is the best yet. I am under 160. Off to work now so I will check in later.

July 13

Hello all you great bloggers!!

Have I mentioned that I have a birthday coming up? I am so excited....I am going to actually be 26, and that is so excited. I am on the backside of my twenties. WOW! I am still in shock that there are only two years until my ten year high school reunion.

SOOOOO! I am back on my go me! Today I put on this pair of jeans that were hidden in the closet. They have been hiding for a while. I truly did not think I was going to be able to get in them. I DID! I put them on and I am just like a kid in a candy store.

Well! NOW I get to go and actually buy an outfit. I am not going to buy much, but I think I am ready to buy something that fits. I have been wearing all of my clothes that are way too big. They are horrible. Anyway! I am just all over the place today! I love being this excited...plus it keeps my mind off any bad stuff that might be running around in there.

So this is all for now...I will catch up more later.

Tif

July 11

A day

Today was education day, and it was so boring. By law we have to have so many hours on the book each year in order to keep our licenses. The worst part about that is that the hours are these horribly boring videos. Old ones. The kind they never update. It reminds me of the one that we had to watch in sex ed in school. The difference is that when in school for sex ed all of the giggly kids laughed at the sex talk. There was no funny instances in our videos. It was just boring.

Anyway...I want to throw a little love out to my husband. He is a remarkable fellow. I do not know what I would do with myself if I didn't have him here. He has just been wonderful at holding me together. I must be the luckiest girl in the world. He even does housework when I am away. I am so thankful for that because it is impossible for me to keep up with it all.

I guess I am not saying much of anything important or interesting for you guys today, but I just wanted to say hello.

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July 10

Here is a list of some my weight loss secrets

So I have had a few people ask me about my weight loss secrets. I do not think the things I do are secrets. It is all normal things. I can give ya some ideas and things I did that I feel contributed.

1. DO NOT DIET. MAKE A LIFESTYLE CHANGE.

Dieting is a mistake. I have been on so many diets. I might lose a pound here and there, but it always comes back if I stop dieting. So a lifestyle change is the way to go. It makes you live a healthier life, and it can help your family follow in your footsteps. My entire family eats like I do. I have those kids that say, "No we do not eat MeDonalds, because Subway is a much healthier choice."

2. QUIT DRINKING ALCOHOL.

This was hard for me. I love wine. I am a taster. I did not want to give it up, but this was an important decision for me. I was on the verge of alcoholism. Now I do not even try it. I have the beginnings. By that I mean that if I have just one drink...I want more and more. Then I do not stop until I am wasted, and most times, I do not remember how I got there.

Well this is an important part in a lifestyle change because alcohol contains empty calories. They give you useless calories that are almost impossible to burn. Since most people drink at night...these calories seem to stick as you sleep.

3. STAY AWAY FROM FAST FOOD

I used to just go through drive throughs all the time. As a way of convenience I would stop and get a burger. So much a problem. When in a hurry I stop at a grocery store that carries healthier ready to eat meals. (like grilled fish). I also keep fruit or veggies on hand for snacking.

4. DON'T EAT AFTER 7PM.

Your body burns calories while you sleep. If you eat right before bed, then your body burns the calories just entered into your body. The stored calories are what needs to be burning.

5. MAKE SMALL CHANGES.

If you drastically change everything at once...you are more likely to stop eating this way. Then because of cutting drastic calories..your metabolism is slower and that makes you put your weight back on quicker. This was a mistake I made more than once.

6. RELAX 20 MINUTES A DAY.

If you are too stressed the cortisol in your body makes you crave sweets. I have made myself sit alone, and think of absolutely nothing for atleast 20 minutes. It helps my body maintain a regular flow. I need that.

7. SLEEP AT LEAST 8 HOURS.

Sleep deprivation makes you feel hungry when your not, and makes it so you do not know when you are full. I have got to a point where it is almost impossible for me to function on less than 8 hours a night.

I do not know if this is at all helpful to any one out there. I just know that is has made my life a much happier place to be since I started taking my weight off. Just the fact that I am down so much since I started is what makes me grin. I am almost to the point of posting before and after, but I want to lose a little more.

Thanks for stopping in.

Hello everyone

Hello all! I hope things are good all around. I am so happy to be off work today. Maybe I can catch up on Mommy time. I also have studying to do and such. Life is getting so much better. One day at a time. I know that after such a horrible thing all the petty things that were bothering me from day to day seem so insignificant now. I am truly more thankful for so many more things. I just wanted to drop by. I need to get to my girls now. Smiles all around!

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July 08

The gifts he gave

My Kyler is gone, but he left gifts for other little children. I am so proud to say...

His little lungs went to a 4 year old boy from Illinois. He has been waiting for the last four months. He like to have books read to him. He loves his toy cars and blocks. They say he is recovering and all the medical team are optimistic.

Kyler's liver, pancreas, adn intestine saved the life of a 2 year old male from south Florida. He has been suffering from severe abdominal disease and was waiting for two months. He is recovering and is expected to make a full recovery.

Kyler's set of kidneys saved the live of a gentleman in south Florida. He had been suffering severe kidney disease. he had been waiting for a year. Now he is to make a full recovery and will be off dialysis.

I am so proud to be the aunt of the baby that is saving all of these lives by giving his own. I would definitly be selfish if I had the choice. I would so bring my Ky-Ky back.

Well thanks for listening. I needed to let everyone know how great he is.

July 07

friday

Today I am making myself better. I am using my grief to be angry at all those around me. Today I know that I have been in the wrong. I am stresses and that is just the fact, but I know that God would not put more on me than I can handle. He is just showing be that life is not always easy. I do know that there are many people out there who have things worse than me.

There is an upside to my Kyler being gone. He donated his organs. Do you know that his little parts can save up to seven other children? He could be living on in many people.

Today was my Alia's birthday...she is 6 now. I am so proud of her.

I really felt bad when we were all celebrating in front of my sister-in-law. I know that her son is gone, but I see know reason not to still celebrate life.

I am at a point of truly doing just that. I want to live every minute to the fullest. I am trying to just pull through, but I am so worried about my girls. I am so scared that they might not wake up the next morning. That is what makes me soooo paranoid. I just can not picture a day without them.

Well I guess this is weird after my ranting yesterday...I sometimes think I am crazy. Yesterday I was blowing up. I was so mad, and just frustrated. Now I am more vibrant. Jessie says I am going through stages to get back to our normal life. I just do not know how to be normal right now. I will figure it out in the long run.

July 06

I am back...at least for now

I have been away for a while. I am trying to get back to normal. There has been a huge disaster in my family. My beautiful baby boy (nephew) died. He was only 2 and a half. I do not know how to deal with such a horrible thing. Kids are not supposed to die. Though he is not my child...I feel almost as if I have lost my own, and on top of that I do not know how I would handle such a thing. I am going crazy now. Emotional breakdowns at work. Flipping out at home. My sister-in-law and her husband have now moved into my home, and that is not helping matters. They have no where to go, but my house is sooooo little. They are living in my family room. I hate that just to pee I have to walk passed them. A week, is what I thought they would be here..now they are just squatting. How do I get them out? I know I am ranting, but this is how I get my mind off of Kyler. I just can not believe he is gone. I thought his Mom would come out of her little welfare world, and at least try. I had to take care of all the baby's arrangements, and I can't stop crying still. I know we all grieve differently. I just do not understand. She acts like she doesn't care. I just want the jerk that did it to pay. Oh yeah...I didn't tell you, he died from shakin baby syndrome. That is what the doctor said. Of course they are doing an ongoing investigation, but more than one doctor said so. I just can't get over it. My wonderful boss tried to get me time off of work, but I would rather be there right now. I am getting on my babies nerves, because I go and wake them at all hours to make sure they are still breathing. Kyler just quit breathing while asleep. It was due to the slow blood leaking into his brain, but I am just so scared my girls are not going to wake up.

Will I come out of this?

June 19

HFD

Good Morning...I am in a hurry, but I hope all you dad's had a wonderful Father's Day. And for all the Mom's who play both roles...a happy Father's Day to you too. Ya'll are the ones who get two parent days. =)